Make a double opt-in introduction

A double opt-in introduction gives each person a chance to agree before you connect them. It is especially useful when the people do not know each other, the request involves work or advice, or you are unsure how welcome the conversation would be. The process takes a little more preparation, but the resulting message can be much easier for everyone to act on.

Fred Wilson sets out the basic etiquette in his original post on double opt-in introductions: ask both people before introducing them. The message examples below are a practical way to apply that principle. They are suggested wording, so adapt them to the relationship and use your own voice.

Start by understanding the request

If someone asks you for an introduction, find out what they want from the conversation. “I’d love to connect” gives you little to pass along. Ask for a specific purpose, a brief explanation of relevance and a reasonable first step.

For example, a founder might want twenty minutes with an operations leader who recently changed fulfillment providers. That is clearer than asking to meet someone experienced in operations. You can judge whether the person you know has relevant experience and whether the request is appropriate for your relationship.

Clarify any commercial element. Is the requester seeking a paid engagement, hoping to sell a service or asking for informal advice? Present that honestly. A recipient who agrees to compare notes may feel misled if the call turns into a sales presentation.

Ask what can be forwarded. A request may contain private details about a business, a job search or a proposed project. Get a short version intended for the recipient rather than forwarding the whole conversation. This also makes your permission request easier to read.

Confirm the first person’s interest

When the requester names a specific person and explicitly asks you to introduce them, their interest may already be clear. Still confirm the scope if you plan to propose a different person or a different kind of conversation.

You might write:

I know someone who has managed a similar warehouse transition. Would you like me to ask whether they are open to a twenty-minute conversation about how they prepared? I can share the short project summary you sent, with the budget detail removed.

This confirms both the proposed connection and the information you intend to share. Wait for an answer when that permission is not already established. Do not interpret a general interest in networking as approval to circulate someone’s circumstances widely.

If you are initiating the idea yourself, ask both people separately. There is no need to tell either person that the other is enthusiastic before you have heard from them. You can explain why you thought of the connection without predicting their response.

Write a permission request someone can answer quickly

The second person needs enough context to say yes or no. Include who is asking, how you know them, why the connection seems relevant and the proposed commitment. Keep the message short enough that the person does not have to open a presentation to understand the request.

A sample request might read:

Hi Alex, I worked with Jordan on an operations project last year. Jordan is preparing to move a small warehouse team to a new provider and would value twenty minutes on the preparation work. Your experience with that transition came to mind. Would you be open to an introduction? Happy to leave it there if the timing is poor.

The final sentence gives the recipient room to decline. It does not need to be elaborate. Avoid implying an obligation by describing the introduction as a favor already promised to the requester.

Do not attach a calendar invitation at this stage. The recipient has not yet agreed to meet. If timing is essential, state the relevant window in the request and let them decide whether it works.

Treat silence as an unanswered request

An unanswered message is not permission. If a follow-up is appropriate for the relationship, send one concise reminder after a reasonable interval. There is no universal number of days that fits every person or situation. Consider the urgency of the request and what you know about the recipient’s availability.

If there is still no response, close the loop with the requester. “I haven’t been able to arrange the introduction, so please make other plans” is enough. Avoid inventing a reason for the silence or suggesting that persistence will eventually earn an answer.

A decline deserves the same restraint. Unless the recipient has authorized you to share their explanation, simply say the introduction is not going ahead. Do not turn a private boundary into a story about someone’s workload, health or opinion of the requester.

If the recipient suggests someone else, ask before treating that as permission to contact a third party. Each new person changes the proposed connection. The same clear request can be reused, but the permission cannot automatically travel with it.

Make the introduction after both people agree

Once both people have accepted, send a short message addressed to them together. State the reason for the connection, identify the relevant experience and suggest the next step. You do not need to repeat their entire biographies.

For example:

Alex, meet Jordan, who is preparing the warehouse transition I mentioned. Jordan, Alex has led a similar provider change and is happy to compare notes on preparation. You both suggested a short conversation next week. I’ll leave you to find a suitable time. Thanks to you both.

Keep your description proportionate to what you know. If you met someone recently, say so. If you have worked closely together, you can describe that context. Avoid sweeping endorsements such as “the best person in the industry” when a precise account of relevant experience would do more work.

Use only the contact details each person has agreed to share. If someone prefers a professional address, honor that preference. A personal number in your address book is not automatically the right destination for a business introduction.

Step out of scheduling and close the loop

The newly introduced people should take responsibility for arranging the conversation. They can thank the connector and move subsequent scheduling to a direct exchange. If you remain involved for a specific reason, make that role clear so nobody assumes you are coordinating the meeting.

As the requester, follow through promptly and stay within the purpose described. If the conversation leads to a different topic or a commercial proposal, let the other person choose whether to continue. Permission for one introduction does not create an ongoing obligation.

Afterward, a short private thank-you to the connector is useful. You can say the conversation happened and helped you think through the question without reporting private details. If the match was unsuitable, describe the mismatch constructively so future introductions can be better targeted.

Before sending your next request, check four things: the purpose is specific, the ask is proportionate, the information is approved for sharing and both people can comfortably decline. Then write the first permission message. The shared email thread should arrive with a clear purpose and two willing participants.